it dawned upon me, in the cubicle of all places, that i am really in a mess.

i don't know what i want and don't know what i've to do.

i am approaching 30 and my life is still pretty stagnant.

i am pretty much in lack of a lot of things.

but i talk too much.

what should i do? i thought that the re-education thing that i am going through right now is a step, but the fear creeps into me whether or not to justify if it is too late.

i hope its not. i still try to believe myself to be patient, for another 3 years till i complete everything.

but what am i to do within these 3 years?

i told myself to quit this job, but i am so afraid, tired even to see if there is anything out there for me.

who'll employ me at this state of my life? how valuable can i be?

yes, it's come to a point to ask myself how valuable my soul is.

but i still do nothing about it, but just let the world past by me each day.

somebody, hopefully will help me. because i can't help myself.

it is that sad...